In Music by Nic Svedin1 Comment

Beyoncé is killing the youth of the world and sending at-risk minority groups into a downward spiral of death, doom, and destruction. I am referring of course to a newly identified phenomena of Beyoncé indulgence: Beyoncérage. Say this out loud and it may even have an almost calming, peaceful, yet foreign tone to it. As comforting as the noises the verbalization of the word might produce, Beyoncérage is a dangerous, terminal disease that appears to transcend socioeconomical, political, racial, and sexual identity barriers.

First discovered in the Brooklyn neighborhood of Kensington, at the corner of Cortelyou Rd and 5th St, Beyoncérage has quickly infected the world in a pandemic of unseen consequences.


Late stage presentation of disease.

Symptoms may include:

  • Heavy breathing
  • Wild dancing
  • Coughing
Terminal Beyonce Statue

Dyskinesia presentation of late-stage Beyoncérage.

Other complications of Beyoncérage are known to include contagious nausea, insomnia, delusional ideologies on concepts of feminism, dementia, and lack of self worth. Pelvic seizures have also been seen in late-stage cases of Beyoncérage that, if uncontrolled and untreated, will lead to irreversible frothing at the mouth, dyskinesia, and aphasia. Other signs of late-stage illness include an uncontrollable affinity towards Illuminati hand symbols.


Irreplaceable Illuminati tendencies have been noted.

Beyoncérage sufferers are advised to immediately drop the alcohol, present to the closest poison control center, and move to the left. To the left.



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